Ghetto Funk Volume 2 ‘Dubs Be Good’

‘Words are rubbish! Interpretive dance and mime is the way forward!’ said Jesus to those gathered at the Bread and Fishes gig, just before he introduced Too Many Togas and moonwalked off the stage to a great murmuring and cat calling (mainly from General Narco) and several bottles of lobbed urine (again mainly from The General).

Was Jesus on to something? How much damage could Hitler have caused if he used no words? In the world of mime the Nazi salute is uncomfortably close to ‘back a bit Nigel, baaaack a bit!’ We could have had 15 million crack troops blitzkreiging the south pole. Admittedly that’s a lot of angry Admiral penguins, but have you seen those buggers up close? They’re mental cray! Would the Von Trapp family have invaded France in tanks via the medium of no words? Nope, but it might have made The Sound Of Music more interesting; “D’oh! Brigadier! This tank’s in first gear. Ray! I need some bullets for my gun…etc”

All TV programs would be immediately improved using only the medium of interpretive dancing, from Dog The Bounty Hunter to The Deadliest Catch. “Drop the crab nets in the sea now, you massive greenhorn loser!” danced the captain of The Kodiak. Movies too: The Emperor could turn up at the Death Star to find it a massive roller laser disco, Vadar would be head to toe in bubble gum pink with an amyl nitrate respirator. “No!”, he’d dance, “I did not mime ‘do not underestimate the power of gay pride!” :turns to camera, shakesfist:

The only loser would be Eddie Murphy’s Dr Doolittle and I think we can all live with that.

Introducing Ghetto Funk Volume Two – Dubs Be Good. Ten of our deadliest dubs from the last twelve months, allow none of those words to get in the way. Pure good vibe juice from the hearts and minds and loins of some of your favourite Ghetto Funk producers.

Approved by God*

*kind of

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